I have a love affair with a pillow

There are 3 of us in bed every night. My husband, myself and my pillow-o-saurus.

Yup, I share my bed with my husband and a pillow I hug every single night.

I have found comfort in rubbing a pillow and hugging it since I can remember things. I wish I could pinpoint the exact moment this all happened but I can’t; the earliest memory I have of me having this love affair with a pillow, is being maybe 5 or 6 years old and going away on a holiday with my family and not caring about where we were going as long as my pillow came with me.

This pillow stayed with me for what seems like a full decade. I remember giving it tattoos in my early teens, little doodles and thoughts that came to mind and felt important to immortalise on the pillow. I cried broken heart tears on it more times that I can count, and it comforted me when I came home tired from a full day at school and an after school basketball game; until one night, after waking up from a very intense dream, and what would become a premonition for how I feel energy as of late, I asked mom to throw it away because there was unwanted energy in it.

One would think that would be the end of the pillow relationship but it wasn’t. I can’t fully remember what happened between that pillow and me moving to the other side of the world but somehow, at some point, I ended up getting another pillow and starting a three way relationship.

I had never thought to stop and think why a pillow gave me so much comfort until I moved to Brisbane last year and got the opportunity to live with my sister-in-law and hang out with her family for a few months; which is when I got to witness, my now 3 year old godson, Michael’s relationship with his teddy.

This kid loves his teddy, a small blue teddy bear that goes with him everywhere. When he drinks his bottle he rubs him — it is his ritual, his safe space, his companion. When I saw him doing this, a warm and fuzzy feeling took over me. For a moment, I felt deeply understood by and connected with this kid and his teddy. Suddenly, it all made sense. This is how snuggling with my pillow makes me feel — at home.

It is a material connection I still hold with my childhood, with my home, with what has always been a safe and lovable place, my family. And for that I will always love my pillow and continue to love myself, loving myself and my pillow is loving my family and the beautiful childhood they gave me.

#35reasonswhyilovemyself